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Did you ever see
The River of Honey?
It's down the Gleaming Woods
Where once the Ancient stood.


It's as Splendorous as Gold.


Oddly though, It comes and goes
I wish it wouldn't, but it always does.

When Fickle December,
summons The Crows
Who chill all Embers,
With their Dark Clouds....

Rain will sweep, The Giants sway.

And December will seize
In just a few days
Every bit of colour with ease...

And carry it far far away.

Did you ever see
The River of Shadows?
It's down the Dark Woods
Where once the Ancient stood.


It's as Black as the Night.


Oddly though, It comes and goes
It comforts me that it always does.

When March so Pale,
summons The Doves
Who bring Hope so frail
With the Twigs they wove...

Skies will clear, The Giants quiver.

And March will return
the Blue Sky which delivers
For what we yearned...

But had been slivered.

Did you ever see
The River of Heaven?
It's down the Bare Woods
Where once the Ancient stood.


It's as Blue as the Ocean.


Oddly though, It comes and goes
Although I don't mind it, that it does.

Because Warming June
summons The Swallows
Who light all Homes
With the Warmth they follow...

Sun will shine, The Giants crown.

And June will rejoice
As she brings down
The last of Dark Voices...

And flattens each and every frown.

Did you ever see
The Emerald River?
It's down the Green Woods
Where once the Ancient stood.


It's as Rich as the Kings of Old.


Oddly though, It comes and goes
But I don't mind at all, because;

When October the Fair
summons the Phoenix
Everything will glare
And the End it predicts...

Mists will come, The Giants Hallow.

And, October, for the Time of Shadow,

She will Remember

To lights our Embers


So We Shall Not Sallow.


Did you ever see
The River of Honey?
Yes, I have something with Firebirds appearantly...

The bigger version of the photo:

:boing:
Add a Comment:
 
:iconcaptain-trina:
Not bad, not bad...

You've made it clear enough that this is about the four seasons without actually calling them by name or making it painfully obvious, which can be a hard balance to strike. I appreciate the unique structure of the poem - the repetition creates a rhythm much like that of the seasons themselves, just as repeating the first line as your last line reflects their cyclical nature. I also like the personal touch of your own feelings for each season (autumn is your favorite, I see), not to mention the use of one of your own photographs as inspiration (or at least accompaniment).

One place for improvement is being a little more careful with some of your rhymes; specific examples being goes/does, crows/clouds, dove/wove, June/homes. Approximate rhymes can work, but in my opinion they need to at least have the same vowel sound.

All in all, a lovely work!
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
19 out of 19 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

Please sign up or login to post a critique.

:iconlovedoesnotexist:
LoveDoesNotExist Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Love it :D
Reply
:iconicykitsunestorm:
IcyKitsuneStorm Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Nice! :0
Reply
:iconlapulta:
Lapulta Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I like this poem. It's very beautiful and vibrant and I love the imagery associated with each season and how you intertwine them all. However, as your critique says, I would look more closely at your rhyming pattern, so even when it doesn't rhyme, the poem still flows. Sometimes I felt your flow was choppy and it threw me off. You also have a lovely picture as your heading. :)
Reply
:iconpicassos-bathroom:
Picassos-Bathroom Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2013   Writer
Very nice. I felt the yearning in much of the lines. The ancient or timeless imagery (I'm not sure which) is beautiful in your verse. You have a way with words, keep writing.
Reply
:iconovermood:
overmood Featured By Owner Aug 28, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Very nice poem. You described the scenery of each season just very well, which is not surprising having seen your beautiful photos. Well done!
Reply
:icontheaussiemoustache:
TheAussieMoustache Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
I love this poem and the photo. I was thinking if maybe I could do a reading of it and post it on YouTube, if it's alright with you?
Reply
:iconcddmanful:
cddmanful Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
That is a beautiful poem--you have the soul of a poet, IMHO!  Of course, the artist in you speaks in poetry as well as in art....

I like the picture a lot~~but that poem is unforgettable!
Reply
:iconnelleke:
Nelleke Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2013
I'm very glad you liked it, thank you! :)
Reply
:icondragonfairy28:
Dragonfairy28 Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Beautifully descriptive!!! Nod Heart 
Reply
:icongororo:
Gororo Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Prachtig!

Heel erg mooi en de foto past er goed bij.

Is het trouwens bewust dat je december en november noemt in plaats van twee keer dezelfde maand (zoals bij de andere maanden)?

Erg knap in ieder geval :D
Reply
:iconnelleke:
Nelleke Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2013
Dankjewel! :D Nee, dat was een foutje, bedankt dat je het laat weten! Ik had in eerste instantie november daar als maand omdat dan de bomen vaak al kaal worden, maar uiteindelijk dacht ik dat december toch wat meer representatief zou zijn :)
Reply
:iconomnitilly:
OmniTilly Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2013
Beautiful words. The picture is also very lovely.
Reply
:iconutopianwhisper:
UtopianWhisper Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
very interesting piece. I like the use of the semi rhymes... This could almost be lyrical with a little bit of tweaking :-)
Reply
:iconeriban:
eriban Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2013
First time ever that I :+fav:-ed poetry. I guess there is a first for everything...
Reply
:iconjeffnohio:
jeffnohio Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
As beautiful as your photography
Reply
:iconthemoonofmyheart:
Themoonofmyheart Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I love how you have described all four seasons in one. this will turn out to be a very beautiful song. :)
Qita
Reply
:icondrawingdreamlyrics:
DrawingDreamLyrics Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2013
It burns its last flameAs it dives into the pit of fireIt's wings shined brighter than the morning skyBut now the time has comeWhere it's ending has begunBut every ending is a beginning For this legendary birdAnd as turns into ashes It gives one more cry The sky darkens only to be lit by a magnificent light Where a new bird is born It spreads its wings And Takes flight----------------------I really loved your poem where it gave me inspiration to write this and I guess we both have something in common because I also love firebirds <3 :)
Reply
:iconthe11thnightfall:
The11thNightfall Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Magnificent picture and imagery in the poem! Very beautiful! ^w^
Reply
:iconimdangel:
imdangel Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Nice work :heart:
you play the too well :D
Reply
:iconlara0xm:
Lara0XM Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2013
Wow. I really enjoyed the rhythms and rhymes as well as the monthly theme.
Reply
:iconsnowsungirl:
SnowSungirl Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2013
Lovely work!
Reply
:iconleftalive:
LeftAlive Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2013  Student Digital Artist
Awesome work, Though the poem is well written for some reason it didn't hit me as hard I thought, maybe im just tired hahaha. But amazing picture, and great job all around.
Reply
:iconlocomore:
locomore Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
its beautiful... <3
Reply
:iconaeroslash:
Aeroslash Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2013  Hobbyist
Gorgeous piece! You have quite the talent for poetry, simply wonderful. :clap:
Reply
:icondurfraenky:
durfraenky Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2013
really good writing with much heart :heart:
Reply
:iconkingbob24:
kingbob24 Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
impressive!
Reply
:iconnelleke:
Nelleke Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2013
Thank you :)
Reply
:iconmimimoseley:
mimimoseley Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2013
This is so amazing! 
Reply
:iconnelleke:
Nelleke Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2013
Thank you for reading! :)
Reply
:iconinobras:
inObrAS Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2013
:heart::nod:
Reply
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August 9, 2013
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