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Literature by yourpleasantdarkness


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Submitted on
September 29, 2009
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Come in, come in...

       Why go back home, why turn around?
       The forest calls.. Can’t you hear the sound?

Come in, come in...

       There is nothing to lose, and everything to win;
       for this, this is not like anywhere you've ever been.

       Here the trees twist, the branches twine
       the twigs crack, the leaves rustle.

       Why decline?
       You won't get far, not moving a muscle.

Don't be afraid...

       You could always stay
       just till darkness falls?
       Move.. come on, the forest calls!

Well done...

       Go on, and don't look back
       Just follow the track, step by step.

       No need to bring water, no need to bring bread.
       For you can drink from the Creek

It's all right, go ahead

       Go, eat the Berries, no need to speak
       Do not delay!

Proceed, proceed

       Don’t believe what they told you,
       about poison and deceit
       For every word is untrue.
       Drink, eat!

I wouldn't lie to you

       Your eyelids are heavy, your legs feel like lead?
       No need to keep walking
       lay down for a while instead...




Wake up!

       Time passes quickly, hours you slept!
       And while you were sleeping, darkness has crept.
       Dusk's here now, quickly gaining in power
       The entire forest it will devour.

Calm down…

       No need for fear, no need to feel blue
       Because I swear
       I'll take care of you.

       Follow the lights, that is all you have to do
       When searching for the exit, they will help you through!

Go ahead, go... here you can't stay...

       Treacherous you say?
       Why, where to else but the exit
       would the lights lead the way?

Everything will be all right...

       Witches you say, cruel, misleading?
       Now, it is nothing for a man to be pleading
       an old wive’s tale.

Just follow the lights...

       Come on now, go, pull yourself together!
       Go, and you will see for yourself whether
       when you follow the lights
       everything will be all right.

Go on... good...

       A House you see, hidden in the woods?
       Why don’t you approach.. Come on, you should!

       Go, knock, and ask polite
       if you can stay inside for the night.

We have been waiting for you.
This is a fairytaleish poem I wrote over a year ago (I had been wanting to write something about a doomy forest for ages).

Got a lot of faults though, and no structure whatsoever. Sorry, I'm not a poet ;)
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:icondeaconstrucktor:
Surreal, I've been to that 'place' and back again.

I think the lack of strict structure is a benefit as the forest is a wild and chaotic place. A place of mystery and nightmare, disjointed and vast beyond knowing. Attempting to force a strict pattern on such a subject would lose a part of its essence.

The rhyming couplets reinforce the fairytale aspects of the poem and the repetition of certain lines seem to represent the echoes in the forest or in our minds.

I think the second part of the poem could have used another line or two reinforcing the dark aspects of the forest and oncoming night. The repeated rhyming of lights:

"Just follow the lights...

Come on now, go, pull yourself together!
Go, and you will see for yourself whether
when you follow the lights
everything will be all right."

seems awkward to me and too soon to use again in such a short time. Perhaps another line such as:

"Just follow the lights...

Come on now, go, pull yourself together!
Go, and you will see for yourself whether
*at the end of this foul night*
everything will be all right."

I think you've done a wonderful job of portraying the enticing nature of the forest in the first half of the poem and the threatening nature in the second half.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
17 out of 18 deviants thought this was fair.

:iconbapic:
I loved this poem. It's creepy, enticing, and hauntingly beautiful. The description of the forest is amazing and so vivid.

The fact that there's no specific form to this poem, I think, really adds to the chaos of the forest. I believe that since there's no specific form to the poem, this gives the forest a form.

Also, the way you used rhyme, definitely makes it sound more from a fairy tale, than if there was none.

I think you've done a fantastic job on illustrating that the things aren't always as portrayed and transitioning from one inviting "face" of the forest to the other nightmare-ish one.

Overall, marvelous job!
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5 out of 5 deviants thought this was fair.

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:icondoolhoofd:
doolhoofd Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2014
WohOOw. Awesome.

The structure is really good, everything fits and falls into place perfectly. 


:iconplusfav:
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:iconcddmanful:
cddmanful Featured By Owner Apr 21, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
This forest has ulterior motives!

You do well at creating the false reassurance that can lead someone into danger, put them at ease when they should be most alert~~~
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:iconliniaelizabeth:
LiniaElizabeth Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
creepy, I love it
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:iconnelleke:
Nelleke Featured By Owner Apr 20, 2013
Thank you!
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:iconliniaelizabeth:
LiniaElizabeth Featured By Owner Apr 21, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
you're welcome
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:iconhazyl:
Hazyl Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
How beautiful. It's a very haunting poem, and draws you in from the second you begin reading. It's very good!
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:iconnelleke:
Nelleke Featured By Owner Apr 20, 2013
Thank you very much! :)
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:iconsupersnappz:
SuperSnappz Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Beautiful image and poem.
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:iconnelleke:
Nelleke Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2013
Thank you! :)

(may I ask how you got on this page? I did make some adjustments just now, and I'm wondering if I accidentally clicked the Notify Watchers button...)
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:iconsupersnappz:
SuperSnappz Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
I think after replying to a comment on my pic, I took a look at your gallery, but it could have been in my inbox too lol
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